If you followed my original blog posts you know I came down to Costa Rica for a visit awhile back and ended up under house arrest when I returned to Alabama.
It was all a big misunderstanding about Liberia and Ebola. It seems a certain relative of mine got confused when she (you know who you are) heard me say I was flying out of Liberia. In case you didn’t know, Liberia is an airport and city down here in Costa Rica but it’s also a country in Africa. That’s where they had a big Ebola outbreak awhile back and me and my buddy ended up quarantined in my house because the local authorities thought I had been in Africa but I had really been on the island of Costa Rica.
It took awhile to get everything straightened out because things got mixed up to a fareyouwell because of that misunderstanding. I had trouble selling all my stuff before moving down because of the Ebola scare and that kinda delayed me in gettin’ down here.
I’ve been on the island for about six months now and am finally getting settled in, although I ended up deciding against living on the beach because of the little crabs running everywhere around the house I had first rented. They were on the floor, in the curtains and on the shelves. Those little suckers were everywhere, like cockroaches. Sometimes, I’d take a stick of butter out of the fridge and chase them with it. Boy did that make them run! The crabs really cut into my sex life, let me tell you. I’d meet a woman at the local bar and invite her over to my place for a drink. Everything went smoothly to that point then I’d tell her, “I have to warn you. I have crabs and they’re all over my house.” The next thing you know I’d be sitting in the bar alone and she’d be catching a taxi.
I finally did find $1 beer here. The secret is $1 beer comes in a smaller glass. There are some local brands here but sometimes the store has imports from America and other countries further away that are cheaper than the local beer. Go figure.
I settled in a cozy little community in what they call the Central Valley. I’m not sure why because I haven’t found any other valleys on the island. I guess they couldn’t call it the Big Valley because that might remind folks of the old American TV Western. Anyway, I live close to a Walmart so life is good. I was kinda surprised its called Walmart in Costa Rican. I expected it to be Walmartaria or something in Costa Ringlish.
As you may have noticed, I am quickly picking up Costa Rican. Mostly words for now, but it’s a start. The secret is to add “o,” “omos,” “ado,” “dad,” or “ria” to the end of an American word. It doesn’t always work, but most of the time it does.Like electricity is called electricidad here. When I have to pay my electric bill I just go up to the cashier and mouth the sound of electricity, like “zzzzzt!” and she understands. I can order foodo and beerado that way, so that’s really all I need.
Oh, did you know Americans sometimes confuse Costa Rica with the other island, Puerto Rico? I know, right? It’s easy to do. People from Puerto Rico are called Puerto Ricans but people from Costa Rica are not called Costa Ricos. I have no idea why not. Sometimes I catch myself saying Costa Rico.
There’s a saying here among Americans that Costa Rica is the home of the wanted and unwanted. I’m still trying to figure out where I fall in that. I’m also trying to find out why we are called Ex-Pats because we all couldn’t have once been married to Pat.
As you know it’s November and that means turkey time but I found out they don’t have Thanksgiving here. They also don’t have a July 4th but they do have Halloween, except they apparently don’t let the kids go out trick or treating because none of them came to my door on Halloween night. I ended up eating all the candy I bought for the trick or treaters. Oh, that’s another thing I discovered: chocolate grows on trees here. I’m not kidding. Chocolate comes from chocolate trees in the form of seeds. In my book that makes chocolate a fruit and my maw always told me to eat lots of fruit.
Until next time, this is Billy Joe Hunter signing off from Costa Rico. Oops, I did it again.